Breaking My Silence

Do u know how it feels to cry in front of someone, tell them how u really feel, tell them how serious the pain is and all they ever did was ignore u. Did nothing about it, say nothing about it. You cried the whole night, begging for their attention, but none was ever returned. Later, they will justify their silence because there is no point in what you're saying and they could not tolerate your stupidity.
But there is a point that he failed to see. And that is the right for every woman hurt to be consoled by the people they love when they see them in pain. The right to be heard even if there is no point in what she is saying. The right to be understood for the feelings she expressed. She will cry if you'll ignore her. She will bleed if you turn your back. How come he could not see that? Is the pain not loud enough for his mercy?
This is my sick-cycle carousel and my love of an incorrigible man who have been given all the love in the world but still refuse to return the favor. This has been going on and on and on and on and I'm sick of it. The pain is so repetitive I could no longer feel pain anymore. Perhaps he is right when he told me that I should be content with being his wife. Oh such arrogance! Just about the right time i will break my silence.

Materialistic Sonnet

Money can't buy love and happiness. But for someone it does. I'm going to tell u about a man who thought he have bribed his way out of his responsibility by buying things that he thought could make up for everything. Son#1 was hospitalized for a week but the man went on an Abu Dhabi Fishing trip, cannot be contacted and claimed that he have lost his phone and found it later on a sofa by the end of the trip.

Two weeks after, Son#2 was hospitalized because he fell down the stairs. But the very caring father went on a trip to Dubai, ironically posted happy pictures with girl friends and friends as if nothing happened. But to justify all that, bought wife iPod touch to make up for absences.

Went on a concert with friends, promised to go home right after the concert, instead spent 24 hours roaming around Dubai. Missed weekly conversations with the children, bought wife Earpods to make up for it.

Is there something wrong with the story? Aside from it being true?

9/04/2012

Today is my birthday. I have only expected a surprise from one person to cheer me up in this special day. 12 am of 09/04/2012, no surprise... I'm disappointed. In fact, i received nothing not even an FB greeting for my birthday. I am hurt, but i should dismiss it. I guess his effort is not worth it, he is busy. Then I should dismiss those thoughts. I wonder why he could invest efforts on night-outs with friends but could not even think of a surprise or a warm greeting for his wife. But as usual, i should dismiss it. Perhaps if you are that wife, you will dismiss it also, let it pass and pretend you don't care. But in totality of it all, it hurts. And it still does.

10/06/2012 7:00 PM

This is such a horrible night, I know he knows what I am going through. I've seen him go in and out of the room a couple of times, but I tried to ignore his presence. I don't want him to see how weak I am in times like these when I have always taught him to be strong. But he just couldn't  help it. He stood in front of me, kissed my forehead and hugged me so tight. I bursted into tears, cried so hard and wept as if there's no tomorrow. He whispered into my ear, " Yaw lang cry Ma, ma Sad man ko" ("Please don't cry Mom, ill be sad") I could not believe my four-year old child comforting me in this state when someone else should have done the job. I know everything's gonna be all right. My son never left my side. He went to sleep when he no longer saw me crying. I know I need to cherish this blessing. To hell to those who have given me more sadness than happiness. Inyo nalang na inyong kalipay.

10/7/2012 2:46 AM

I told u I'm hurt, but you didn't care. I told you I needed you, but u didn't seem to hear me. I told you, 'you broke my heart', but you did nothing. All the things that pained me, you seem not to care. Why? Why do I have to beg for your attention when others get it freely from you? Why do i have to ask for the mercy of your time when round the clock I am available for you? Why can't you do the same? Why can't you feel my pain? You have drained out all the respect I have for myself even telling me that i am BOGO(stupid) and BUANG(crazy), is that how you really see me? why? all i ever did to you was Love you.